Ripples in the Water

Where does confidence come from? Or how do you get it back? See lately I feel as if I’m losing confidence, but then I wonder if I ever even had it in the first place.

I’ve been open in previous posts about my struggle with this whole blogging thing, and unfortunately it is still nagging me. Yet, now I have come to a crossroads because I must decide whether to continue with this endeavor as I face starting school again and a much busier schedule.

Since I’ve been home from my trip to Alaska, which is a magnificent place by the way, I have felt myself slowly melting in body and spirit. That could simply be the Southern California heat, but I recognize that my purpose and goals for the next few months are incredibly unclear. In fact, my goals for everything ahead are unclear; I like to think that saying I simply want to follow and serve Jesus will be enough to get me somewhere, but it is hard waiting to find where that is.

In my attempt to find clarity I have pondered my conundrum of confidence and even my motives in why I am writing at all. At my brother’s wedding a week and a half ago, which was also incredible, my Uncle confronted me about this blog and some of his thoughts on my writing. He said a great many things, more than I could completely retain, but there was one point that stood out among the rest.

He said to me “You are at an age where you are finding the power of saying no.” As he spoke the childlike spirit I remembered in him stood in contrast to this older wiser man. It might be that as I become older my relatives are able to have more serious conversations with me, but somehow I still didn’t expect it.

He continued, “So you say no to sex before marriage, and say no to Hollywood movie hits, or say no to all these things you find to be wrong; but I want you to acknowledge the fact that you also have a greater power – the power to say yes.”